Marriage Postulates
* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
- To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
* Married men live longer than single men, – but married men are a lot more willing to go.
* Any married man should forget his mistakes, – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. – A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
* A woman has the last word in any argument. – Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
* There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.
He’ll Be Late
She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.
“Who was it?” he asked.
“My husband,” she replied.
“I better get going,” he said.
“Where was he?”"
Who feels better?
A husband and wife were arguing on whether males or females enjoy sex better. The husband says “of course it’s us men, why else would we be so obsessed with it?”. The his wife says, “stick your finger in your ear and wriggle it around. What comes out feeling better, the finger or the hole?”
Bunches To Celebrate
The flower vendor was an old hand at unloading his last few bunches. Appealing to a businessman on his way home, the vendor said,
”How about a nice bunch of roses to surprise your wife?
” “Haven’t got a wife,” responded the businessman gruffly.
”Then how about some carnations for your girlfriend?” proposed the vendor without missing a beat.
“Haven’t got a girlfriend.”
”You lucky guy!” The vendor broke into a big smile. “Buy both bunches to celebrate!”
Art Gallery
Nudes A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn’t like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, “What are you waiting for?” The husband replies, “Autumn.”
